@Rowyn @Anke I usually only have that response in a highly sexualized context... it's generally more of a subtler mix of feelings... hmm. (In general, I think allo culture does a terrible job of explaining allo feelings because of its assumption that everyone already experiences the feelings and knows what's an exaggeration/simplification/etc. That and they're weird and complicated.)

@skysailor @Anke @Rowyn yeah, both sides are guilty of this tbh

@Heliodora @Anke @skysailor I kinda feel like allo culture does a terrible job more because we just plain don't know how to explain things short of metaphor or shared experience. Allosexuals've always KNOWN that not everyone experiences sexual attraction because we know WE didn't when we were kids, if nothing else. But we don't know how to explain it to kids, either. x_x

@Rowyn Side note I'm looking at this later and this reminds me of how little I now understand being attracted to only one gender even though I /was/ for /years/.

@skysailor I used to think I was only attracted to men and then I realized I just hadn't crushed on a woman yet.

I keep accidentally making characters bi because I don't understand how monosexual works. o_o

@Rowyn @skysailor @Anke Yeah, but I've been thinking about, like, how to explain the difference between queerplatonic partners and best friends? Whenever someone tries to describe it, it fails because... /we/ get the difference, alloromantics don't >.>

or the difference between aesthetic and/or sensual attraction and sexual attraction, but I think this one is a little easier?

@Heliodora @Anke @skysailor @Rowyn can we first explain the difference between romantic partners and best friends? #quoiromantic

@Rowyn @Heliodora @Shutsumon Sure, it's :feeling: as opposed to/in addition to :feeling:, though sometimes it gets confusing when it's kind of like :feeling:... nope, for some reason the emotional transmitter isn't working.

@Shutsumon @Heliodora @Rowyn If we do get it up and running, maybe someone can use it to explain gender to me.

@Shutsumon aro spectrum high five

@Rowyn @skysailor @Anke

@Shutsumon @skysailor @Anke @Heliodora I have literally nothing. I feel pretty much the same way about my best friends that I do about my lovers except for the having-sex part.

@Rowyn @Anke @skysailor @Shutsumon lmao the answers I've got on Twitter so far agree with you xD

@Rowyn @Heliodora @Anke @skysailor @Shutsumon I… don’t?

I mean, aside from the romantic/sexual partners I’ve had in the past that I wouldn’t want to be friends with (bad taste in people, but I have friends like that, too), I am not one of those “my husband is my best friend” kind of people.

@aldersprig @Shutsumon @skysailor @Anke @Heliodora @Rowyn if you can explain the difference we'd all be greatly appreciative XD

@InspectorCaracal @Rowyn @Heliodora @Anke @skysailor @Shutsumon I don’t think I can explain the diff, sorry :-(

@aldersprig @Shutsumon @skysailor @Anke @Heliodora @Rowyn it's cool, me either 8D

@InspectorCaracal @Rowyn @Heliodora @Anke @Shutsumon @aldersprig So earlier joking about emotional transmitters aside, for me it's kind of an extra squee and extra affection feels, though it also tangles up in want-to-touch, and with N it comes with "I feel really distressed when I'm away from you" but not with anyone else, and in the early stages I feel extra attentive to what that person says and wants and in general I feel extra sensitive to positive/negative things they say.

@aldersprig @Shutsumon @Anke @Heliodora @Rowyn @InspectorCaracal It gets really fuzzy around the borderlines and I definitely have had a lot of friendships on that borderline, or friendships where I think romantic feelings could easily develop if something encouraged them along (like the person had a crush or something).

@InspectorCaracal @Rowyn @Heliodora @Anke @skysailor @Shutsumon As a data point that is sort of related, for a long time, if I was very close to someone, I had to make a very strong effort NOT to feel sexual feelings about them.

And like 75% of my sexual desire when I had lots of it was based on being desired.

@aldersprig @Shutsumon @Anke @Heliodora @Rowyn @InspectorCaracal (Fun fact that's called responsive desire and is extra-common in women.)

@skysailor (there’s a word for it? AWesome.)

@skysailor @InspectorCaracal @Rowyn @Anke @Shutsumon @aldersprig fwiw Catholic Twitter can't find an answer either but a lot of people think commitment is the main difference

Which is hilarious to me because I've been saying for years I'd only move to the US for Cal or marriage, but now I'd honestly only do it for Cal.

And there's zero romance going on here, folks

@Heliodora @aldersprig @Anke @Rowyn @InspectorCaracal @skysailor I have heard it suggested that in the end it all comes down to limerence but that's unsatisfying as by definition limerence has a sexual attraction component

@Shutsumon @skysailor @InspectorCaracal @Rowyn @Anke @aldersprig
Had to look that up and the definition includes the same desire for one's feelings to be reciprocated... But that'd exclude some people in the aro spectrum, wouldn't it?

@Heliodora @aldersprig @Anke @Rowyn @InspectorCaracal @skysailor yeah, probably.

@Shutsumon Pretty sure I don’t have a crush on my husband but…

Also realizing that I’m pretty codependent and my emotional and sexual relationships are pretty tied up in that.

@aldersprig @Shutsumon @skysailor @Anke @Heliodora I didn't mean that my lovers are my best friends. I meant that I love some people that I don't have sex with/am not attracted to and it doesn't feel different in any quantifiable way from how I love the people I have sex with. :|

@Rowyn @Heliodora @Anke @Shutsumon @aldersprig There are actually some really interesting discussions on whether or not to distinguish between romantic/nonromantic relationships and feelings in poly circles/literature because for some poly folk it's pretty common to have or have had a broad spectrum of friends/partners that fall in different places, without the mono social pressure to constantly target lifelong high-depth, high-romance relationships.

@Shutsumon when I figure it out, I'll let you know >.>

@Rowyn @Heliodora I think I've got a good feel for the former, but while I can articulate the differences in the latter, tbh they often come bundled in a way that isn't easy or always possible to separate.

@Heliodora what's the difference between sensual and sexual

@InspectorCaracal sensual doesn't involve sex in any way? like, holding little kids is really nice and it doesn't make you a pedophile

@Heliodora I'm talking about attraction though, not actions?

@InspectorCaracal @Heliodora you are into elves and hobbits?

@daHob @InspectorCaracal huh?

@Heliodora @InspectorCaracal I thought she meant she was into demi-humans

@Heliodora @InspectorCaracal @daHob (demi-humans)

@aldersprig @daHob @InspectorCaracal ...ooohhhh hahahaha omg

@daHob @Heliodora yes wherever I see a hobbit I want to give them a hug

@InspectorCaracal @Heliodora woot!

@InspectorCaracal watching new anime that I think you would like - Code: Realize. Gentleman thief, the ancestor of Lupin III, in steampunk London who pals around with Dr Frankenstein.