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PSA: do not tell me I am valid

I do not need nor want your validation and quite frankly I find the underlying assumption of my insecurity that such a statement requires to be insulting.

@InspectorCaracal *nods* yeah, that's val-

wait. wait shit FUCK

(p.s. yes this joke is Extremely Stupid)

@InspectorCaracal I, OTOH, am insecure enough to need validation and cynical enough that validation from a stranger, or , worse, BLANKET validation
("you, hey you, yeah, you reading this? You're valid.")
makes me feel either trivialized or .... even more invalid.

@aldersprig i mean, this is not directly aimed at you, but yes, the point here is that everyone is different and you can't just talk to everyone like they're you

@InspectorCaracal That was like the hardest lesson of my 30s and I keep learning it.

ON angry days I call it "the golden rule is bullshit."

@aldersprig the golden rule is accurate, people just get hung up on specific details and miss the underlying message

@aldersprig for example: I treat everyone the way I wish to be treated, which means that I take into consideration their personal preferences and respect their boundaries

@aldersprig @InspectorCaracal

oh that is the most relatable tbh.
those random "good vibes" sort of messages that were in vogue to write on bathroom mirrors or whatever for a while? always made me feel worse. like "you don't know me, i can't believe that"

but also if i am ignored in a group setting i immediately get super sad even if it's a group of people i don't know that well

@katrani @aldersprig I definitely take being ignored badly but at least for me, that's a very different thing from external validation and more of a sense of the significance of my presence

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