I'm in a funny mood today so here's:

10 Ways to Befriend a Necromancer


How to Make Friends and Reanimate People

(Thread, the rest will be unlisted)


@ParadeGrotesque Hehe, thank you! :blobpats: I maintain that necromancers are just squishy beans that look like prickly cacti.


He he he. It's all fun and games until the start of the zombie invasion.

What would be also funny would be: "10 reasons why your boyfriend might be a necromancer", for instance. ☠️


OK, I'll go first:

10. That tasteful gothic decor? That cozy crypt? Sure, it's all for giggles, until you realize the little alcove skulls are not plastic.

And they bite.


@ParadeGrotesque 9. They ask for a vial of your blood for their birthday

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8. Listen, I am not saying the walk-in fridge down in the basement is suspicious.

But there are knocks on the door late at night. From the inside.

@ParadeGrotesque XD

7. Is it weird that instead of 'I love you' they lovingly whisper 'I will never let you die'?



6. Some guys like to keep PC parts around, some car parts in their garage.

He keeps body parts. You know, the usual: a hand here, a spleen there, couple of brains in a jar over there.

And just a like a regular bloke, he is pretty "proprietary" about it. Well, maybe a liiiiiiitle bit more proprietary than a regular guy.

@ParadeGrotesque useful!

5. The swirling red art on the floor of his library Is Not Paint


4. And the black candles around that swirling red art are not made with bee's wax.


3. When you mention missing your pet, he is very interested in whether they were buried or cremated


2. He is very much into "Eternal Love". So romantic. But buying a plot for a "very special" crypt for two in the city cemetary might be going a bit too far.

And why buy the crypt but not the coffins?

And why is the crypt... doorless?

To which his only answer is: "I *meant* Eternal Love".


1. His zombie apocalypse plan is actually a plan to START the zombie apocalypse.



Ha ha ha ha ha ha! 🧟

I love it!

That was so good, here is what I would have put:

1. Seriously, though, you could not take a hint when you saw the re-animated corpse mowing his lawn?

(But I like your version better)

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